I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
