Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
