Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
