hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
