careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
