ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
