So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
