ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
