Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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