but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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