oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
