the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
