Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
