I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
