So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
