I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
