The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
