I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
