I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
