Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
