I love black thongs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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