I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize