That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
