Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I look better un-naked...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hello my rib-scented angel!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
