I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
