He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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