Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
