I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
