I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize