he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize