So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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