im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
