Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
