When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
