Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The air taste purple.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
