Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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