i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
