so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
