Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
