And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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