white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
