I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
