I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Found the puke drawer
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
