i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
