Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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