When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
