i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
