The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
