so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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