they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
