I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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