oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I could fuck to npr.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
