My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
A+ Viking dick
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