I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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