Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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