god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
