just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
