whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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