I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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