When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
