you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
