My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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