I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
