I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
