just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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