Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
